Thursday, April 24, 2014

Speechless

I'm really at a loss for words and if you knew me, you'd understand that me being quiet is quite abnormal for me.

Neglect isn't the word I'm looking for, but I think through my transition from being a stay at home dad to a father living away from his kids, I've overlooked the good that has come my way. For a while there, I was focusing so much on what could have been, if this could have happened or things I needed to change. And in some way, I was neglecting the good things.

As humans, we are so quick to focus on the negative which in turn has the possibility to send is into a fit of depression that's near impossible to climb out of. We know that we'd feel so much better if we'd just get up and brush ourselves off and move forward, but all we want to do is sleep or feel sorry for ourselves.

Through my transition, I've been introduced to some of the most kind, inspirational, motivational people this earth has ever known. I've been welcomed into their lives as if I've been there all along. They've been a gift from God, lifesavers. I feel apart of their family and let me tell you, the sense of belonging has been something I haven't truly felt since my days in the hardcore/punk scene in the bay area. I feel like I matter.

Living away from my kids has been the hardest thing I've ever done and will ever do. There isn't a moment I don't think of them. They are my life's blood, my energy, my heart. So the sense of loneliness from being away from them can be hard to deal with, but with the people in my life that have been there for me when I needed help up, I've been able to turn that into a positive.

I've become a stronger better dad, not that I was a bad one to begin with. My time with my children has been very vet very special. I've learned to be more honest and open with not just people in my life, but with myself which I feel is extremely important. I've learned who I am and I'm bettering myself every day.

Triathlon and the people I've met through the community, for me, isn't just about swimming, biking and running, it's about finding out who you are, who you want to be. It's about giving your all and when you think you can't go any further, you go a bit further. You dig deep, you battle your own mind and come out a more complete stronger you. I'm not perfect nor will I ever pretend to be, but I strive to be the best me I can be. And thanks to everyone along the way that has helped show me how great I am and can be. There's to many of you to thank, but you all know who you are. I love you all.