Wednesday, May 27, 2015
There's no explanation of how I've come to learn what my purpose is in life. Seems as if my time to shine came out of nowhere and it couldn't have come at a better time, waking me up from such a negative rut and giving me a second chance if you will. At the same time, it's come at a very challenging moment in my journey through life. I've been good at many things, coffee, skateboarding, music, just to name a few, but never great at any one thing. Now I know people will understand when I say this, and some won't get it because they haven't experienced this as I have, but I know in my deepest regions of my heart that running was and is a gift from God and that this is me. This is what I'm supposed to be doing with my life to really evolve and grow spiritually all while inspiring others to be the greatest versions of themselves. The challenge for me is, I'm right on the cusp, staring over the edge, ready to take the leap, but financial stability is getting in the way. I work a ton and have children to support, bills to pay, so I need a source of income. With little to no schooling, I have a job that supplements my needs. It's a great opportunity to provide for my children and still live the lifestyle I've grown into. But the amount of time I am at work is taking away from that extra time I feel I need to propel myself into greatness. I know when you want something bad you need to go out and get it or make it happen. The issue isn't the drive that I have or the lack of motivation, the issue is I feel I need an extra day or more time to focus on harnessing my skills as a runner and I feel the job I do is hindering that growth. And so it truly is discouraging, but it hasn't stopped me from trying. What I've done to deal with this is understand that this time is temporary and my time will come. I am impatient at times and this is a learning experience, but understand greatness doesn't happen over night. It's like cabin fever, the desire to hit the floor running(pun not intended). I know what I'm able to do now, but I'm scared and excited to see what I'm capable of. So the battle within my own cluttered mind is causing me to over think situations regarding my future. But every action has a reaction and they will affect the lives of those around me. What's worth it? Am I supposed to endure this "stress?" Is what I'm going through now, mentally, preparing me for what's to come? We often wish we knew the answers and want to know the future, but that takes away the fun of discovery. For now, I'll keep going down the road paved in front of me, or the trail designated for my use. My head is held high, and my heart is open to the experience. I'm here for the long haul.