Saturday, July 2, 2016


The first thing that comes to mind when a nurse comes in and says "I'm sorry to bother you, but I have something to tell you regarding one of your ct scans," is that something is fucked up. My curiosity is at an all time high and my heart rate boosts to levels you only have while running. To make matters worse, the nurse says "we found a nodule in your lung." I'm not one to pretend I know what she was talking about, and by no means am I an accomplished english scholar, but within the context I was able to decipher what she meant. "What's a nodule?" I asked myself.

The nurse had this way about delivering the news to me that made me feel as if this kind of news wasn't generally welcomed by the receiving side. In this moment, my brain was forced to absorb possible life threatening information and seeing someone nervous about delivering not the best news in the world. Again, my thoughts were truly bouncing around the walls of my head. "Cool," was my response. Yes, "cool." What else am I supposed to say? There's not much I can do at the given moment so there's no sense in stressing over something that's not within your control. She delivered the news the best she could and I felt though she's done this several times over, but I am different.

I'm able to take news, whether bad or good, and maintain a positive outlook towards things. There's always a silver lining to what's going on. Sometimes, it's hidden in plain sight. I chose to take the high road and move forward, no sense in dwelling on the "nodule." I asked, "how does this affect the kidney donor process?" Which led to the possibility of more tests, including another CT scan. I'll talk about that in a bit. She was a little shocked that I took the "news" so easily. "There's no sense in stressing over something that I have little to no control over. Life happens and I have good faith that god will take care of me and has a plan for me. I have no doubt this nodule is benign and is nothing to worry about."

See, this is so easy to grasp, this philosophy that I have in life. You put negative energy out in the world, you get negative energy in return. The same is true for positive energy. You must maintain a positive outlook and eventually you'll get positive results in life. I could have easily focused on the fact that I had no knowledge of what a nodule was and freaked out, but what good would that do? None. This process is a very nerve racking journey with a lot of waiting and the unknown. There's no room at all for unwanted stress that could, now that I think about it, cause my heart rate tests to jump, spike and mess up test results. Heck, my blood pressure was skewed when the doctor and I were talking about the possibility of having more kids. Not going to happen!

There's a song by the band Good Clean Fun "You Gotta Stay Positive" that really is the embodiment of my philosophy in life. No matter what life throws at me, I try my hardest to remain positive. It doesn't always work out that way, but I try my hardest and that's all anyone could ever ask of me.

A few more tests were needed so that the donor team would be able to present my information to the surgery board. Along the way, we would need a lung specialist to look at my scans and determine the next course of action. Standing in the room while looking at my images, he says "we could do a PET scan, or a biopsy on the nodule. But first we need to have another CT of your chest to ensure there aren't anymore nodules within your lungs or anywhere else." The first scan was only focused on my abdomen so it makes sense. Luckily I wasn't required to do the contrast in my veins again, not that it would have mattered, but who wants crap injected in their body? I don't, that's for sure.

We would have to wait until the results were examined to determine the next course of action. The idea of a needle in my chest, possibly puncturing my lung, was lingering in my thoughts, but again, the bigger picture was/is the possibility of helping provide a better quality of life for someone. The reward is worth the risk(s). The results came back with enough evidence saying that the nodule was benign. That's a sigh of relief.

Look, this roller coaster is no different than every day life. There are highs and lows. Sure, sometimes the lows seem like a constant downward spiral of emotion leading to depths of despair that you never thought were humanly possible.

A wise man once said, "the good feeling won't last long, the bad feeling won't last long. Get comfortable being uncomfortable." I believe that once you've mastered the fact that life won't always go as planned, you will be able to overcome so much adversity. There's no telling what you'll be able to achieve. This goes back to a simple rhetorical question, "how bad do you want it?" Never give up, never give in. GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE!